Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Pouring My heart out- Kids

Today I am linking up with Shell over at Things I can’t Say .

I’m jumping in in the 5th week of Pour Your Heart out. Why so late? Well, nothing really came to mind before.

Today though, I’m going to talk about kids. You all know, I have four. Four wonderful, beautiful, spirited kids.

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What you may or may not know, is that I’m the oldest of six. That’s right. SIX.

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What I want to talk today about is the thought of having “just one more”.

There is a part of me that longs for that again. Just once more. To do the baby thing again and all the joy that surrounds it. To have a house filled with baby things, and baby sounds. To experience all those fun firsts again. There is a part of me that craves it.

People around me announcing pregnancies doesn’t help. People who were “two and through” for years (6) are planning for another baby to enter their lives.

Can I be honest? I’m jealous. I envy them. I’m not saying I’m not happy for them, because I am. I guess, I envy them the choice. Casanova had a vasectomy before Bossman was born (a month or so before). So even if I was able to talk him into it, there’s no chance. (and no, he won’t have a reversal)

I know that sooner or later I have to make that step, the step from mothering small children, to mothering older kids, teenagers etc. I know that I’m in school full time, in an effort to “move forward” and do something for myself.

But, I do wonder. Did we act to soon in doing the “permanent” thing? I know I suffered from preeclampsia with Bossman, but it was the first time. I was also at my heaviest with him. If I lost more weight, got fit, chances are, I’d be fine.

Did we act to soon? Did we make the wrong choice? Is there another baby out there for us that we’ll never see, because we chose to close that door?

I guess we’ll never know. And that makes me sad. So I spend time with the ones that call me Mom. And I’m thankful for every minute!

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Head over to Shell’s to read the rest of today’s posts.



PS: Don't forget to enter my giveaway here

7 comments:

Stacey on April 14, 2010 at 8:14 AM said...

((HUGS)) I can totally relate to this post! I have two kiddos, but I always wanted three. It will never happen because I had to have a hysterectomy when my youngest was barely 2 years old.

Jenny on April 14, 2010 at 8:40 AM said...

First off...your kiddos are super cute...i could see why you would want more...i think you have the right attitude about the whole thing...sounds like you are a great mom.

Brittney on April 14, 2010 at 8:59 AM said...

awww im sorry *hugs* on a plus side your children are beautiful!

Shell on April 14, 2010 at 9:13 AM said...

Look at your gorgeous kids!

I have a hard time with this as well. We have three and I tell everyone that we are done- dh has had a vasectomy. But, I still sometimes wonder...

Thanks for linking up!

We live in a Zoo! on April 14, 2010 at 9:56 AM said...

I kind of think we all feel this way. I have three and we have "decided" that we are "done" but there is still a part of me that longs for another one too. I wonder if its simply because we are women and most things about women physically (boobs, hips, vaginas, periods, belly's) are reminders of what we can do that men can't. And the happiness, attention, and sweet cute little babies that come with it are hard to resist.

Adrienne on April 14, 2010 at 12:18 PM said...

I have only my one and I had my tubes tied... I sometimes wish I would not have but for the most part I am so over joyed just to have buggy the thought doesn't come aorund much...Thanks for sharing and your children are adorable

{Kimber} on April 14, 2010 at 12:23 PM said...

loved the pics! all just adorable {including you!}

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