Pain

This blog “came” to me very, very early this morning. (around 4am or so).

It may not make sense, it may be disjointed, but I figure, if it was so important that I lay awake thinking on the subject, I better write it out so that I can look back on it if needed.

People experience pain differently. The medical field has a pretty standard ruler for pain expression. Rate your pain on a scale of 1-10, 1 being the least amount of pain, and 10 being the worst. I was asked that question very recently when I went to the doctor. It doesn’t really make sense to me, because what may be a 2 to some may be an 8 to another.

I have a very high pain tolerance. Stinkerbell was born at home (on purpose), and I’ve never had an epidural. Until I had Bossman I really didn’t think labor was all that bad, yeah it hurt, but it was manageable. Then I got sick and had to be induced when I was pregnant with Bossman. I still didn’t get an epidural, but let me tell you now, if you don’t already know, Pitocin is hell.

I lived my life for about 7 months this past year with my pain level at a 7. Daily. It was exhausting. I stopped eating meat, and my daily pain level has dropped to about a 3 on a good day, 5 on a bad one. My pain isn’t gone, but there has been enough of an improvement that I doubt I will ever eat meat again.

Right now, I am sick. I have a raging sinus infection. I got a shot Monday night, am on heavy antibiotic therapy, etc. I am still in pain. Monday, I rated my pain as a 6. I woke up this morning at an 8. It hurts so bad, I can’t even wear my glasses, that pressure on my nose is to much.

So that’s physical pain. What about emotional pain? To me, emotional pain is more excruciating than physical pain. You can’t pop a pill and take care of a heartache.

Sunday, I was dealt a crippling emotional blow. It blew the top off that 1-10 scale. I didn’t know such pain was even possible. I’m not prepared to share just yet. I’m sort of in that denial stage. If I ignore it, maybe it wont’ be real. I will talk about it soon, just not now.

For now, I’m in pain.